They say music is shit these days, but does shit really smell this bad?

It’s the hall quiz tonight, so Claudio’s memorising the periodic table, and I’ve been revising for the important questions - Pop Idol movers and shakers, and the UK singles chart. I knew it was bad, but I really had no idea. This isn’t the year music died. It died 5 years ago, and it’s now oozing corpse juice and bloated cadaver gas. The noise it’s making is because people keep flushing. Ever fallen face first into an abbatoir’s septic tank and been stuck there for 8 months, drowning in goat-abortion runoff with only chunky cheesewads of phlegm and suppurating medical waste bags for food, wanting to nail your face to the back of your head to stop you tearing your mouth open from screaming? Well, that’s probably worse than the UK charts, but only just.

Damn you, zombie record industry.

Update: We came 4th, which is rubbish, but we had the best team name (”Rah! Rah! Rah! We’re going to smash the oiks!”). Rah!