Here we have an analysis of peoples’ reaction to the term Bright. If you don’t know, it’s an attempt to rebrand the word atheist, which has been mangled by religious hooligans.

It’s also a terrible, terrible name.

“I’m not sure what the image buffers were aiming for, but the name “The Brights” succinctly conveys the sense that this group thinks it’s more intelligent than everyone else. The rest of us would be “The Dims”, I suppose.”

Well quite frankly, yes. At least in the context of the intersection of science and theology. But that’s no reason to rub it in; you can’t achieve rights, respect and influence by insulting your defacto overlords. The word Bright is just another pole in the already ultrapolarised political toilet bowl we have to flush ourselves out of.

Anyway, negative reactions to the term mostly came with suggestions for an alternative, the absolute worst of which, along with their likely interpretations by the general public, are:

Agnahumans

Fear the Agnahumans! The jaws of steel! The deafening roar!

Agnamen

Fear the Agnamen! But not the agnawomen.

Agnastics

An exercise regime involving pushups and terror!

Anaxagorians

Cyber-philosophers from the 17th dimension!

Anti-theist

“A carbomb exploded in downtown Tel Aviv; anti-theists are suspected.”

Athnasceps

“Nurse! The athnasceps!”

Atomists

Victorian futurists worshipping the Mighty, Indivisible building block of the universe.

B.R.I.G.H.T.s

Perpetual invitation for crude redefinition. Boneheaded Righteous Idiots Go to Hell Today. Allows atheists to enjoy an ever-so-hilarious non-scanning parody of Y.M.C.A..

Cleariats

Anti-spot cream. For rats.

Enlightened Ones

Fecal euphemism.

Enoughists

What atheist hasn’t wanted to kick a fundy off a cliff into a river of lava while screaming “I… have had… enough… of YOU!”?

Evaluators

Bringing all the glamour of chartered surveying to the epistemological battleground.

Evaluites

Evangelical version of the above.

Evolvers

“I’m an evolver! I evolve, but I don’t… revolve.”

Fallibatheists

Entirely secular oil conglomerate.

Freedoubters

Newly released whistleblowers.

Frees

“In the name of the law!”

Geians

Believers in Geia, son of Mothra, third conqueror of Gobuchul.

Inquisitors

“Nobody expects the atheist inquisitors!”

Life-long Learners

“I’m special!”

Nagnoskepts

Pit-dwelling skate-clan.

Naturalismists

“Saxamaphone… “

Neocleariats

Anti-spot cream. For rats. 20% improved performance!

Neo-gnostics

Splinter faction of mainstream Matrix interpretation.

Nuffists

Tracksuit-wearing lager lads.

Phrontisteries

Snob obscurantists.

Pragmatic Realists

People’s Front of Judea

Questioneer

Society for creative anachronism sub-branch focusing on geek superhero fantasies.

RASPs

Splinter faction of B.R.I.G.H.T.s who wanted their Y.M.C.A. parody to scan.

RAVENs

Live action role playing nerdfest.

Reasonalists

Surrealist breakaway group; product of the grammar-backlash of 2013.

Scepnastics

Urban graffiti warriors. Sworn enemies of the Nagnoskepts.

Sceptmen

Those deflating bags of leather from that Jim Henson film about Crystals and Prophecies and The Land.

Sciencians

“Just ask this scientician!”

Scientists

“Back off man, I’m a scientist.”

Skeptmen

“Skept-bi-dee-ba-dee-bop-ba-ba-bop, I’m the skeptman!”

Sprites

Image is nothing. Blitters are everything.

The Happies

Poorly machined family of miniature toys recalled by McDonald’s after Happy Meal related fatalities doubled.

Thinkstirrers

Developers of a social technique designed to reduce the number of friends you have to zero, in the shortest possible time.

Twains

Ill-conceived marketing effort for Twix bars.

Untheists

uNTH uNTH.

So in the end, maybe Brights is not so bad.