Upon entering a public house in heady early 21st century Britain, you are immediately, and ruthlessly, assaulted by total disinterest. When a waitron finally notices you, usually in the same way they notice what they’ve just trodden in, you’ll get the lead-piercing lava-freezing glance, whereupon they’ll pause, mid-text, zombie-drag over to your table, grab your throat by their outthrust gauntlet-clad fist, push you against the half-timbered wall, and hiss “woddaya wont?” while checking their watch and chewing their gum. This is par for the course in the British service industry, which makes it so surprising that the staff at the Filmworks cinema in Manchester seem genuinely pleased to serve you. Working at a ticket desk must crush the spirit, but they’re always nice and friendly. This is not about courteous ushers though; this is about The Gallery.

For eleven pounds on a weeknight, you can sit high up at the back of the cinema in wide seats designed to hold even the biggest film fans, eating complementary popcorn and nachos (and plates of Quality Streets), drinking complementary fizzies and coffee, and guzzling non-complementary alcohol. There is a cretinously ill-placed cloth net in front of the balcony wall, which stops your drinks and food sliding over the edge, but does nothing to stop you actively hurling your hot coffee and broken bottles down onto the unsuspecting standard-rate-paying prole scum (as they would like you to think of them) below. If you’re in the front row, this net blocks the bottom 10% of the screen, so although these may be the best seats in the house, as claimed, they are not in the best position.

The seats are quite antisocial in their magnitude, but it is possible to squeeze two people into one. They don’t allow under-18s anywhere on the whole floor.

You can sit in the bar area before the film starts; they’ll call you when it does, like in an airport lounge, which is not what you want to be reminded of. Interestingly, they really do call you when the film starts, not when the adverts start. This means the increased price is enough to win them over to your side (at the regular £3.50 a head, the marketeers are the real paymasters).

So anyway, it’s quite good. Pity the films aren’t.