Somewhere deep in Market Zone 1486, codename “UK”, two consumers simultaneously increased local demand for nutritional sustenance. They entered a joint-venture agreement with the aim of raising their purchasing power by pooling resources and buying in bulk. Acting in an official capacity, they headed for the local consumer-oriented medium-quantity purchase warehouse known as “TES CO”.

After gruelling negotiations with the enemy sales officer, in exchange for several units of currency our heroes walked away with two bags of miscellaneous goods and a few “CLUB CARD” points to sweeten the deal. The PR department declared it a “strong performance.”

Returning to HQ, the executives commenced sandwich production. Upon slicing the tomato, the executives became workers and briefly considered striking for higher wages and better working conditions, but due to a freak of nature, they had the same stomachs as the executives and were thus forced to continue production lest they starve. In order to optimise workflow, they produced the following easy-to-follow blueprint:

1. Spread some COTTAGE CHEESE WITH ONIONS on some WHOLEMEAL BREAD
2. Make a layer of PICKLED BEETROOT on top.
3. Grind some BLACK PEPPER over it all.
4. Slice a TOMATO and place the bits on top.
5. Wash some LETTUCE and put that on.
6. Close the sandwich with another slice of WHOLEMEAL BREAD.
7. Squeeze it together to stop it falling apart. Note: it will fall apart anyway.

Preliminary results from the lab suggested SWEETCORN as an optional upgrade just before phase 2.

Manufacturing output rose by two units, and kitchen plant and tool was further amortised. Total raw material costs were 87p per sandwich. A passing fascist totalitarian government crippled the company’s earnings by forcing them at gunpoint to note that each sandwich contains 260 calories.

The sandwiches were then consumed, eliminating hunger and fulfilling the company’s mission statement. Other notable externalities were a 35% increase in satisfaction, an 8% increase in appreciation of scrumptiousness, and a 0.000001% decrease in lifespan (or 0% adjusted for the natural passage of time).

The sandwich consumers then parted ways, and went about maximising profit until bedtime. Thankyou for reading this post. 15 euros have been deducted from your account.

A+++++ would eat again