At least 3 times a year for the last 4 years, the TV licensing company has sent me various letters warning me that they’re going to send the boys round to deliver a thousand pound fine and possibly a bit of a kicking.

The only way to tell them that I don’t have a TV is to write to them - yes, write, with actual honest to god pen and ink! - in Bristol. I will avoid ranting about the fact that they’re trying to force me to pay for cringeworthy trash like Click Online and simply ignore them. If they want to find out whether I have a TV or not they can come round here at their own expense, in their own time and find out.