Me and my brother went on the Houses of Parliament tour today. It’s super duper! The tour is free, but you have to ask your MP for tickets. Westminster Palace is mightily impressive and toffed up to the nines with gold and silk and frescos and all that, and obviously built in a time when Britain was busy looting the wealth of the world for its own glory. But the real attraction is the café. It’s dinky and neat, serves good food, and is cheap as two grubby five pence pieces for central London. You can’t get into the palace without going through the security checks, but we moved in and out pretty freely with our tickets to the public gallery, and the lobby and Westminster Hall at least should be accessible to all. I gather you are free to deliver a note to your MP at any time.

The public gallery was interesting, even viewing a deathly dull Q&A on pensions, but it was sadly sterilised by the new bulletproof bombproof soundproof everythingproof glass barrier. The only sound from the chamber was relayed via microphones. An MP named Gwyneth Dunwoody asked the following question:

Mrs. Gwyneth Dunwoody (Crewe and Nantwich) (Lab): Is it correct that the new entrance for visitors, which is nearly completed and appears to start just outside St. Stephen’s entrance, is going to guide them down and round the building in order to come back on themselves to begin the Line of Route? Is that not a masterpiece of planning, and could we not congratulate those who are responsible?

That was it. That was all she said. I checked the Hansard for the day! I don’t know what the schedules of MPs are like; they are surely packed. So did she really just come in to offer a sarcastic dig at the planners? Was that it? Is that what she does?

Anyway, to summarise: 900 years of history, and 85p giant doughnuts. WIN!